| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 |
| 3:04 am |
Update: I miss Doris I miss Home End Update. Can I come home yet? "But I realized how I need you And I wondered if I could come home " Anyone know where that comes from? You would be one of my favorite people if you can tell me. I wish I was in NYC right now :(. Or with my favorite person(see above) .... or better yet both. |
| Monday, October 10th, 2005 |
| 10:16 pm |
An entry for the one I love more than anything else in my life: No matter what we go through or how rough it seems things get when we are apart, I will always love you and will continue to wish that we could be together forever. Regardless of how stressed I get or how bad of a mood I am in, just seeing your face instantly makes me smile. Nothing in my life has ever been able to make me as happy as you do. I truly believe that you are perfect and love everything about you. There is no one I would rather spend every waking moment with than you. Everything I have ever told you about how I feel is true and I do honestly feel we are meant to be together. Nothing has ever been as important to me as you are and nothing ever will be. these past 3 and a half years I have known you have been the happiest years of my life and it just keeps getting better when im with you. I love you Doris. Happy Anniversary. I miss you so much. |
| Monday, October 3rd, 2005 |
| 1:12 am |
Im delusional, insane, and sick. I need help. Over worked. Dropped snapple bottle....glass everywhere ... possibly in my foot. Need vacation. Need break. Need health. Need sanity. Need Hug. |
| Wednesday, June 8th, 2005 |
| 2:37 pm |
an Update to say Im alive ...I think? The I think was to the first part about this being an update to say Im alive ....not saying I think to the Im alive part .....yeah just wanted to clear that up...Im updating out of boredom really. So Ive pretty much been up to nothing in recent weeks. Relaxing and enjoying a break from school. Ive been working the mornings and wating around until people get off work at night. Other than that its been basically standard stuff. Ive seen some amazing shows recently and have some more amazing ones coming up. Ive spent more money than I have on CDs and its become a problem to save. Damn CDs and their shinyness. In other news ... Ill brag a little here since I tend to not feel like bragging any other time....but anyway I finally got a letter from Rider worth getting. They informed me that I made Deans list which for most is something old, but for me...the king of slacking and procrastination made Deans Lst. So that makes me happy. I really dont think I have much else to say. Ive got a nice trip lined up fpr July that I cant wait to go on. It will be a nice way to celebrate a year staight of happiness. So to everyone I havent seen or talked to in a while....hi! ..... that is all. |
| Monday, April 25th, 2005 |
| 12:40 pm |
An update to no one and about nothing. It has become increasingly clear that Rider is the bane of my existence. Its rather simple to see that when I am at school it is impossible for me to be in a good mood. Ive also come to the realization that while Im at school I seem to want nothing more than to be left alone. I have never relied on people to get by and never will. To say Ive given up on people would be a step back for me considering I dont believe I have ever decided to give people a fighting chance. The less social interaction the better. My personal life is personal and will always remain as such. Few people if any know what goes on in my life besides the vague details I give to people. I prefer it this way. There hasnt been a single problem I havent been able to figure out and solve on my own. I do however tend to not follow my own advice on many things and have only myself to blame for that, but this is how I prefer it ...having only me to blame for everything that happens.I dont crave attention and many people realize this...If I ever get attention I tend to shy away form it because I do not like it. Anything said by me that seems like an outcry for attention (such as away messages or anything along those lines) are merely for my personal expression and I could care less if people even read them ... most have realized to not even question my away messages by this point in time and that is the way I like it. These feelings do not carry over when i am at home. While at home I feel the need to be doing something every minute of the day and like to be as busy as possible. I also tend to be more open to being social while I am at home. To me it is quite interesting to find that when i can not avoid social interaction and should be the most productive is the time in which I want to be by myself and do absolutely nothing...... but thats the way things are and I dont plan on changing it.... Life is what you make it and I plan on making it what I want....by myself.....on my own .... with no help (as a side note there are a few select people that I would like to be by my side throughout everything but those people already know that ...) You cant tell me I push people away if they never got close to begin with. |
| Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 |
| 10:47 pm |
Note to self: Thinking about home leads to me being home sick. and that is far too often. A positive entry was coming, but it kind of disappeared at this rate. Stupid live journal. |
| Friday, March 11th, 2005 |
| 12:16 pm |
P.S. Im a mess. Thank you and goodnight. |
| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005 |
| 7:04 pm |
I think I am the most insecure person ever .... not exactly a revelation on my part....it is something I have been aware of...but I think it has gptten worse. |
| Friday, February 11th, 2005 |
| 3:58 am |
I cant stop being amazed at how the best memories I have are too painful to look back upon......not because they are bad in anyway....its just because I wish so badly that I was still in those places because they were the only time where I really believed that everything was perfect and was unconditionally happy. Those times were amazing, but I find it hard to remember them without longing to be back there.....its sad to look back at those amazing times and just feel depressed.....there has to be something wrong with me I swear.... There is an easy solution to all of my problems....but she is an hour away. If she was here then everything would be perfect...and nothing else would matter.... |
| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 |
| 11:20 am |
SO much for having a positive trend on this thing....the following could be considered a cry for help....but that might be reading too much into it: HELP! Actually it basically boils down to the fact that I dont want to be here....This place just always puts me in a bad mood. I need out already. Its going to be one long semester. |
| Monday, January 17th, 2005 |
| 2:38 pm |
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004 |
| 2:47 pm |
Well its the usual boredom that made me decide to update. Nothing really going on. Working, still waiting on my grades from school(jerks...all of them) and just doing a lot of nothing. Two concerts and a trip to Disney this break should help me recover from the stress of the last couple weeks of school. Doing the usual for New Years ...sitting home and having a few people over(anyone around feel free to stop by even for just a little and say hi) Really looking foward t my disney trip ...should prove to be amazing. Almost 20 ..... weird feeling ... I dont really celebrate my birthday all that much anymore I noticed....Ill be having a small celebration this year with 3 of my favorite people in Disney which is cool. No celebration at school, at home, at work ..... thats what i get for being born in Jan. .... but I wouldnt have it any other way. So all in all this is a positive journal entry and I think its about time.... this journal doesnt reflect anything about me really....just a lot of bitching that Ive done.... I refuse to read my old entries .....glad I gave away my old journal and had those horrible entries deleted(except I could have used one to remember a date, but oh well). There will be no "year in review" from me like a lot of people tend to do. That mostly goes along with my belief that new years is not the begining or end of anything ..... It is all an ongoing thing. New Year just means a new number to write on tax returns(damn accounting firm...been working there too long).Besides ..... hell if I can remember what i did this year .... it all went by too fast .... oh well....Basically Im just saying hi....Im alive and hopefully Ill get to talk to some people that I havent talked to in quite a while. |
| Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 |
| 2:56 am |
I find it funny that I write an entry and then decide (the next morning) to delete it because I felt it was a stupid entry that i rambled on and on annd...uh.....where was I? ...Anyway...it turns out the entry was marked as private so no one read it anyway...HA!....anyway this isjust a space filler to say ...hi....Im alive..... breathing.....possibly......but all in all.....bored. ....thank you and goodnight. |
| Thursday, October 14th, 2004 |
| 2:36 am |
Im just in one of those moods again. The one where I tend to believe the world is against me. Im having my doubts that it is all in my head, but I keep trying to convince myself of it. Life seems to be a blur at the moment.....where everything that could be considered positive has an underlying negative conotaion and Im not sure why this is. I havent felt this way in quite a while and I was enjoying a rather nice period of contentment, but I guess all good things have to come to an end. I cant escape the feeling that people are getting tired of dealing with me and that they just want me to go away. Im sure this isnt the case, but i cant help thinking it is. Everyone seems to be in an annoyed state while Im around or talking to them and because of it, I seem to be harsher to them during conversations. I dont know why any of this is. Its possible that this is nothing more than a effect of being away from home and feeling as if things have changed while I have been gone, but it doesnt feel like that is the reason. I dont know....I might just be in a permanent out of it state. In other news, I continued the tradition of random road trips. This one, which was supposed to be a trip to see how far west we could go, turned out to be a study on how to drive in circles for hours and wind up in places you have no clue how to get out of. Traveling from my school, to trenton, to duck island, to trenton, to some random road, to trenton, to trenton, to finally a road that took us by lambertville, and after many wrong turns PA, then down 95 through Philly, over a bridge to NJ(not the town, but the state), south towards Cumberland where we finally found civilization and food, we then proceeded to get lost in random corn fields of NJ and woods of PA(and a trip down the PA turnpike and various other roads to bumblefuck PA 0, only to emerge back in NJ and again Lambertville, and finally 29 back to school. Having covered a good portion of south NJ and a decent portion of PA the trip took about 7 and a half hours. Thats right....we accomplished nothing. Also there may be a reward for any information leading to the conviction of the person who stole one of my pepsis. Any information on the subject should be reported directly to me. |
| Monday, October 11th, 2004 |
| 1:16 am |
So, lets do something we havent done in a while...that is update this thing. I know I say that all the time, but you know what..I enver update and i find no reason to update, but Im a failure so I have nothing better to do. So Im sitting in my room at school starring at my computer....strung out on the coffee stuff. I dont know if I could sleep even if I tried. Not that I would because you know going to sleep before 5am is against the rules. So what have I been up to recently? A lot of nothing and a lot of not accomplishing what I want, but I must admit that I do seem to get to my classes and have been doing well....with the exception of getting my homework for my accounting class done. Other than that Im on top of things...its cool. Is it possible to want to do everything and do nothing all at the same time. I think it is because I feel that way now. I think Im hyper, but Im not sure. I have nothing to say in this entry, but I feel the need to write. I might just fail at life in general, but Im not sure... I tend to avoid that question because its a boring question. This entry has A.D.D. written all over it. I dont know what to say....shoot me. Thats all..... |
| Monday, September 27th, 2004 |
| 3:02 am |
So I was sitting around listening to Music(The Paper chase, The faint, and Head Automatica...mmm....good music), playing madden football(I suck and the game hates me...evil evil game) and I started thinking (dangerous I know). First thought that popped into my head was "I should probably be doing homework(that of course didnt last long). Then I started thinking about the last very memorable moment I had. I thought about everything Ive done recently and thought about which of those things would I remember for the rest of my life and the last memory that I can think of that I know will stay with me was probably the last time I went into NYC. It was probably the perfect day in almost every aspect. I could not have asked for better company and going to the MET followed by a walk through central park(we walked under a bridge where a musician was playing and the sound and atmosphere was incredible), and finished up with a movie. It was probably the perfect day. Now here is where you, the reader, come into play...thats right! I want whoever reads this thing to tell me what the last moment in time was that they knew they would remember for the rest of their life...the last moment they believed everything around them was perfect for a change. Yes, it is "be positive" time. If I can come up with something then everyone else should be able to. So I want everyone who reads this entry to answer my question. Yes that means you. And I still havent done my Homework. |
| Tuesday, September 21st, 2004 |
| 2:05 pm |
My Moday: 4 hours of sleep 4 classes 8.5 hours of work with no break and a non stop stream of customers so I wasnt even able to grab food for myself. Got out of work at close to 3am. And after all that a trip to Denny's to finally feed myself. At this point I could barley stand anymore. Finally got back to the room around 5am and fell asleep around 5:20am. I would figure id be dead tired today, but Im too awake and its weird. Oh well I have a nice little statistics test now. |
| Sunday, September 12th, 2004 |
| 7:42 pm |
Alright people, Im back at school, but without internet connection and sanity. Im currently using my friends computer for sanity reasons. ive been absolutly bored out of my mind....except the few days of hanging out with my friends. I did however start my job at the diner on campus...so for all of those people who didnt think someone with OCD could work at a diner....i proved you wrong. I think ill survive there...the hours are tough though.Well this is mostly an update for the sake of doing something and nothing else really. Hopefully my internet will be up soon.....I really really hope so. P.S. I miss you |
| 7:42 pm |
Alright people, Im back at school, but without internet connection and sanity. Im currently using my friends computer for sanity reasons. ive been absolutly bored out of my mind....except the few days of hanging out with my friends. I did however start my job at the diner on campus...so for all of those people who didnt think someone with OCD could work at a diner....i proved you wrong. I think ill survive there...the hours are tough though.Well this is mostly an update for the sake of doing something and nothing else really. Hopefully my internet will be up soon.....I really really hope so. P.S. I miss you |
| Saturday, August 28th, 2004 |
| 2:06 am |
There are those people that you miss because you havent seen them in a while and then there are those you miss because you have not seen them in a few minutes. In other news Rilo Kiley makes me smile. |
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